Assignment 1: Formal Letter

Dear Professor Brad,

My name is Don Seah Ji Yang and I am your student from effective communication class T6. I received my Nitec in Aerospace Technology (2011-2013) at the Institute of Technology Education (Yishun Campus) and furthered my studies to Higher Nitec in Mechatronic (2013-2015) at Institute of Technology Education College Central. Thereafter, I pursued my diploma for Biomedical Engineering (2015-2018) at Nanyang Polytechnic. 

I had a revelation about what I would like to work as in the future when I had participated in WorldSkills' 10th ASEAN Skills Competition during my studies in Higher Nitec. I was given the opportunity to be in charge of mechanical assembly. This position was out of my comfort zone but I persevered and broadened my knowledge. This allowed me to gain useful insight on mechanical engineering and the application of such processes in the real world.

My strength in communication is my ability to be confident when speaking with others for the first time. I can hold a conversation with a stranger I just met because of my curiosity about others. However, when I get too excited when conversing with others my words may tend to be unclear or concise. Hence, people may find it difficult to understand what I am trying to convey when I start to get too excited about the conversation.

My goal from this module is to be skilled in writing an formal letter with my message being clear and concise with as few grammar mistakes as possible. Also, I want to improve in my pronunciation of words when speaking verbally to others. I am confident that I will be able to achieve these goals from this module before progressing to working life.

Yours truly,

Don Seah Ji Yang

Commented on
 Nasrul Hazwan : https://nasrulhbs.blogspot.com/2021/01/submission-1-formal-letter.html
Gay Bing Shuen : https://friendlyguy1996.blogspot.com/2021/01/who-am-i.html


Comments

  1. Leonard Gay Bing ShuenJanuary 24, 2021 at 5:43 PM

    - ".. words may tend to be unclear or concise.." is your intention in this sentence suppose to be saying that your words will be unclear or lengthy? Are they both meant to be negative or opposites (negatigve or positive)
    - missing a punctuation in "... when conversing with others my words..."

    good content and providing of past experiences. flow of sentences are generally good as well.
    letter is short and sweet.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Brad BlackstoneJanuary 26, 2021 at 9:20 PM

    Dear Don,

    Thank you for this introductory letter. It's fairly well presented and rather informative. You do a good job of sharing your educational background. The part about your participation in the WorldSkills competition is particularly strong as it connects to your interest in mechanical engineering.

    In contrast, the segment about both your comunication strength and weakness could be enhanced. You could embellish this by adding a concrete detail in the way of an anecdote or some specific example, in one sentence or two.

    In terms of language use, there are a few issues to consider.

    1. overuse of capitalization
    see https://www.hartford.edu/about/offices-divisions/office-marketing-communication/resources/editorial-style-guide.aspx#

    2. words/phrases/collocations
    -- my curiosity of others > (collocation) my curiosity about others
    -- an formal email > ?
    -- with as little to no grammar mistakes. > with as few grammar mistakes as possible.
    -- I want to improve in my pronunciation of words when speaking verbally to others. > (lack of conciseness) ?

    I look forward to seeing how you can polish this letter further.

    Best wishes,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete

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